Twice I have experienced anesthesia for surgery. The effects of the anesthetic were surreal to me. It was like living in a fog. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, where I was or what was going on in those hours after awakening from the surgical procedures. The anesthetic allowed for a painless surgery –which was a very good thing. The effects afterwards were a part of the process and couldn’t be helped. After a few hours, the mental fog clears and awareness, understanding and mental clarity returned.
I have seen people living life as though they were anesthetized. There is no sense of awareness or clarity. There is, instead, a perpetual unawareness — maybe to keep pain at bay or to defer taking responsibility for living. The pursuit of mindless amusements or the desire to stuff something –anything– into their mouths and stomachs –or even their souls seems to be the point of daily life.
If I have just one month to live on this earth I want to be alive –fully alive– the entire time. And why wouldn’t I want that every day –if God gives me more than another month?
I felt the cold on my face this morning and it felt good. Early March in Pennsylvania is a great time. You get sun, cold, wind, rain, warmth, snow –as we say here: “If you don’t like the weather in PA –just a wait a few minutes –it will change.” I felt the cold on my face, the chill of the air on a sunny morning. I felt very alive.
Later in the morning, I was at a check-out station at a Target store. The clerk moaned that it was, “soooo cold. When will August be here?” I said I enjoyed the cold air. It made me feel alive. She made a funny face and gave me my receipt. She said, “I wish every day was August.” I smiled. I had felt the cold air on my face again as I walked to my car. I felt very alive and grateful.
I don’t want to live an anesthetized life. I don’t want an existence where I an unaware, un-mindful, unclear. I don’t want an existence where I am not dreaming and finding ways to make those dreams a reality. I don’t want to waste my life wishing away my days now for days to come. I would miss cold March mornings. I would miss feeling, thinking, being in this glorious physical world God made.
I have lived anesthetized days. I have been unaware, un-mindful and unclear –going through the motions of life but not living. Plowing through day after day like they are unlimited. They are not unlimited. We only get so many. So, if I have to feel the cold or experience pain, or have down days, disappointments, sorrows as well as joys and blessings –I will know I am alive. Isn’t being alive is the best way to experience God in my life? I do think so. –I know so.
